Sometimes, I just like being super extra contrary when baiting a 419 scammer. Consider this one of those times.

I get this thing, supposedly from the Minister of Finance.

Scammer mails in blue.

FEDERAL MINISTRY OF FINANCE
Honourable Minister : Mrs Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala
http://www.fmf.gov.ng/
http://www.nigeria.gov.ng/fed_min_finance.aspx

Attention; Beneficiary.
Sir

Sub; Stop Wasting your fund and do not allow yourself to be deceived anymore;

After proper negotiation With Nigerian Government to look into foreign debts and settlement I decided to write you for confirmation.

Actually, I know that you may knows my name and this office position through many fraudulent Nigerians whom had been contacting different Foreign Contractors to Nigerian government through my office.

In this issue, I would like to observer why your payment had not been sent to you till date.

Furthermore, before I would commence on this payment issue, I would like you to visit these http://www.fmf.gov.ng/
http://www.nigeria.gov.ng/fed_min_finance.aspx so that you could know better of the office and myself.

You contract payment would be transfer to you through the instruction of Federal Ministry of Finance, by use of the first projected fund in the website tag; FOREIGN RESERVES HIT $12.4bn, I would prefer to hear from you, based on your observation in the website before remitting instruction and updating.

Furthermore; we have cases of fraud and deceives from our foreign contractors’ we hereby advising you that as of this moment we are communicating with you, to resolve the issue of foreign contract failures, you should to keep away from any other office or person, regarding to your contract payment, hence they could not effect the payment for the past years and months.

You should work with Federal Ministry Of Finance Sincerely to avoid Contradictions on the process of this transfer updating.

Uh huh. Good job. That's almost as incomprehensible as a real government employee on a four day drunken bender with a legal dictionary.

I reply.

FEDERAL MINISTRY OF FINANCE
Honourable Minister : Mrs Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala
http://www.fmf.gov.ng/
http://www.nigeria.gov.ng/fed_min_finance.aspx

Attention; Beneficiary.
Sir



First off, I'm not a sir.


Sub; Stop Wasting your fund and do not allow yourself to be deceived anymore;

After proper negotiation With Nigerian Government to look into foreign debts and settlement I decided to write you for confirmation.

Actually, I know that you may knows my name and this office position through many fraudulent Nigerians whom had been contacting different Foreign Contractors to Nigerian government through my office.



I'm not a foreign contractor. Or even a domestic contractor. I'm not a contractor.

In this issue, I would like to observer why your payment had not been sent to you till date.



Because I'm not a contractor in the frst damned place?


Furthermore, before I would commence on this payment issue, I would like you to visit these http://www.fmf.gov.ng/
http://www.nigeria.gov.ng/fed_min_finance.aspx so that you could know better of the office and myself.

You contract payment would be transfer to you through the instruction of Federal Ministry of Finance, by use of the first projected fund in the website tag; FOREIGN RESERVES HIT $12.4bn, I would prefer to hear from you, based on your observation in the website before remitting instruction and updating.



You can hear from me before I read them, because I AM NOT A CONTRACTOR.


Furthermore; we have cases of fraud and deceives from our foreign contractors' we hereby advising you that as of this moment we are communicating with you, to resolve the issue of foreign contract failures, you should to keep away from any other office or person, regarding to your contract payment, hence they could not effect the payment for the past years and months.


No problem, because I am not a contractor, and I shouldn't be getting a payment of any kind anyway.


You should work with Federal Ministry Of Finance Sincerely to avoid Contradictions on the process of this transfer updating.



Why should I work with you? I am not a contractor.


Your contract fund was recorded in with this ministry and should be paid >into your bank accounts We would hand the matter after your confirmation.



No you won't, because I don't have a contract fund. I'm not a contractor.


Your urgent responds counts on our activities. You can reply via fmf_nigfinance@yahoo.com
fmf_nigeriafinancesource@yahoo.com

Thanks.
Mrs.; Ngozi Okonjo Iweala.
Minister Of Finance Nigeria
__________________________________________________



Right. Just in case you missed it the first fifteen times, I'm not a contractor, and I don't have a contract fund. You have the wrong person.

And why are you not using email from the same sites you pointed me to?

I bet they hate it when people insist on being doggedly honest.

The good Minister does not appear to be able to read. Or to identify blatantly female names.

Attention; Baiter Name
Sir

You mail was receive which was in accord with my payment proposal sent to you. Actually, your fund is due to be transffer into your bank account via this ministry as noted in my previous mail to you.
I hereby to inform you that The president had verified your file and all perfect transfer instructions was given to me to effect your fund via the indicated $12bn foreign reserve .

Firstly; I hereby advise you to stop further communication with those you have been comminicating in respect of the stated unpaid contract fund.
All, you required to do now are;
State your receiving banking details, whereby the fund would be transfer into secondly, state your contract detail.
Lastly; send your contractors' identity card for my verification so that I could transfer your fund within 48 hours.
I am waiting urgently to hear from you.
Thanks.
Mrs Ngozi Iweala
Minister of Finance Nigeria

Oh, look, an Abuse The Scammer For Free card!

Attention; Baiter Name
Sir





Did you fucking read a word I sent you? I told you, I'm not a sir.

You mail was receive which was in accord with my payment proposal sent to you. Actually, your fund is due to be transffer into your bank account via this ministry as noted in my previous mail to you.



And I told you I'm not a contractor.


I hereby to inform you that The president had verified your file and all perfect transfer instructions was given to me to effect your fund via the indicated $12bn foreign reserve .



Isn't my file. I'm not a contractor.


Firstly; I hereby advise you to stop further communication with those you have been comminicating in respect of the stated unpaid contract fund.



I'm not communicating with anyone but YOU, you giant loony. And you can stop communicating with me, because I'm not a contractor. Sheesh. Do you know how to read?


All, you required to do now are;
State your receiving banking details, whereby the fund would be transfer into secondly, state your contract detail.



As it's not my money, I think the only thing I'm required to do here is to tell you to 1) read my last damned email and 2) to fuck off.


Lastly; send your contractors' identity card for my verification so that I could transfer your fund within 48 hours.



Seeing as I'm not a contractor and I already told you that, I think not.


I am waiting urgently to hear from you.
Thanks.
Mrs Ngozi Iweala
Minister of Finance Nigeria



And now you have. Maybe you could bother READING it this time.

"Mrs. Iweala" obviously needs Hooked on Phonics.

Dear Sir
I have your mail, it was noted.
Please note that I have submitted your file to the new appointed Minister of finance in Nigeria
She would be heading this office and would be reaching you. She is a nice woman and would transfer your fund urgently, her Name is Mrs. Nenadi Y Usman, maybe by tomorrow she would be contacting you with he contract payment procedure.
Instruction I left for her is to perfect your payment at her first barge in office before frauds would be using her name to contact you.
Lastly, note that I was appointed as the new minister of internal affairs which I have not accepted.
Please contact Mrs. Nenadi Y Usman the new minister of finance via this mail only fmf_nigeriafinancesource@yahoo.com
Thanks
Mrs Iweala

Lots of women in upper management. Too bad they're probably all male scammers in web cafes, but still, it's nice to see that glass ceiling going by the wayside...

Dear Sir
I have your mail, it was noted.



Apparently it wasn't very well noted, because I AM NOT A SIR! I AM A WOMAN!


Please note that I have submitted your file to the new appointed Minister of >finance in Nigeria
She would be heading this office and would be reaching you. She is a nice woman and would transfer your fund urgently, her Name is Mrs. Nenadi Y Usman, maybe by tomorrow she would be contacting you with he contract payment procedure.



Do any of you nitwits know how to read? I told you, I'm not a contractor and I am not owed any money.


Instruction I left for her is to perfect your payment at her first barge in office before frauds would be using her name to contact you.
Lastly, note that I was appointed as the new minister of internal affairs which I have not accepted.
Please contact Mrs. Nenadi Y Usman the new minister of finance via this mail >only fmf_nigeriafinancesource@yahoo.com
Thanks
Mrs Iweala



Look, I wish you dippy bints would all get it through your head, I am not a contractor and I am not owed any money. CHECK YOUR DAMNED RECORDS! YOU HAVE THE WRONG PERSON!

Nice woman, but still apparently can't read.

FEDERAL MINISTRY OF FINANCE
Honourable Minister : Mrs Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala
http://www.fmf.gov.ng/
http://www.nigeria.gov.ng/fed_min_finance.aspx

Attention; Baiter Name
Madam

Thanks you for your congratulated mail, it was understood and appreciated by me.

You mail was receive which was in accordiance with my payment proposal as submited to my approval and updating by Mrs Ngozi Okonjo Iweala, the fomer minister of finance, who had asked my help in perfecting your transfer as the first barge of payment through this office.

Actually, your fund would be due transffer into your bank account via this ministry as based on the respect I have for Hon Mrs Iweala who had introduced your name to me.

I hereby to inform you that The president and Mrs Iweala had verified your file and all perfect transfer instructions was given to me to effect your fund via the indicated $12bn foreign reserve .

Firstly; I hereby advise you to stop further communication with those you have been comminicating in respect of the stated unpaid contract fund.
All, you required to do now are;
State your receiving banking details, whereby the fund would be transfer into secondly, state your contract detail.
Lastly; send your contractors' identity card for my verification so that I could transfer your fund within 48 hours.
I am waiting urgently to hear from you.
Thanks.
For; Minister of Finance Nigeria

Well, at least she got the "Madam" part right for a change.

I go on being doggedly honest to a fault.

Seriously, can you not read? I AM NOT A CONTRACTOR!

The only person I'm communicating with is YOU, you wacko, and I think it can hardly be called "communicating", since you can't seem to get it through your thick skull that I'm NOT A CONTRACTOR AND NIGERIA DOESN'T OWE ME ANY FUCKING MONEY.

You would think the government would be HAPPY I'm saving them all this money they don't owe me...

Dear Mrs. Baiter Name

Note that I am waiting for the verification of the Contract Identitiy Card and ICI Certificate of the fund, which was instructed to the care of Ministry Of Finance by Nigeria to transfer in your favored bank account.

I required the confirmation ofContract Identitiy Card and ICI Certificate by you, before final credit to your fund into your designated bank account.

Finally you are advised to Go through your files in your home carefully and look properly for the two required documents, but if you do not see the ICI and Contract Identit Card in your house, you should Contact MR BILL CHIBUZOM via email billchibuzom@yahoo.com for the processing of the Contract Identitiy Card and ICI Certificate.

I am Waiting urgently on your reply.
Thanks
Mrs Ngozi Okonjo Iweala.
Minister of Finance Nigeria.
Thanks.
For; Minister of Finance Nigeria

Cool, I wonder if she can also tell me where I mislaid my second pair of sunglasses... I can't spot them in my house, either.

Dear Mrs. Baiter Name



I'm not a "Mrs." either.


Note that I am waiting for the verification of the Contract Identitiy Card and ICI Certificate of the fund, which was instructed to the care of Ministry Of Finance by Nigeria to transfer in your favored bank account.



Seeing as I AM NOT A CONTRACTOR, I don't have one and don't need one.


I required the confirmation ofContract Identitiy Card and ICI Certificate by >you, before final credit to your fund into your designated bank account.



You don't owe me any money, so shove your request for a CIC card and an ICI Certificate up your A-R-S-E.


Finally you are advised to Go through your files in your home carefully and look properly for the two required documents,



You can go through your own damned files and see why you insist on contacting THE WRONG PERSON, who keeps telling you she's not a contractor.

but if you do not see the ICI and Contract Identit Card in your house, you should Contact MR BILL CHIBUZOM via email billchibuzom@yahoo.com for the processing of the Contract Identitiy Card and ICI Certificate.



How about I contact him and get him to inspect your skull for any evidence of any gray matter instead?

Sadly, I haven't heard back. And gee, I was just starting to have fun insulting "her"...