Roland Mike didn't know the meaning of the word "quit". He may not be able to spell it, either.



How are you today? Hope all is well with you and your family?, You may not understand why this mail came to you.But if you do not remember me,you might have receive an email from me in the past regarding a multi-million-dollar business proposal which we never concluded. I am using this opportunity to inform you that this multi-million-dollar business has been concluded with the assistance of another partner from U.S.A who financed the transaction to a logical conclusion.I thank you for your great effort to our unfinished transfer of fund into your account due to one reason or the other best known to you.But I want to inform you that I have successfully transferred the fund out of my bank to my new partner's account in U.S.A that was capable of assisting me in this great venture. Due to your effort, sincerity, courage and trust worthiness You showed during the course of the transaction.I want to compensate you and show my gratitude to you with the sum of $1,200,000.0 I have left a certified international bank draft for you worth of $1,200,000.00 cashable anywhere in the world. My dear friend I will like you to contact MY SECRETARY Mr Mr Nash Kata.on his direct email address at:[nash4africa@yahoo.ca ] and his telephone number+234-1-4794704 for the collection of your bankdraft.I authorized him to release the Bank Draft to you whenever you contact him regarding for it. At the moment, I'm very busy here because of the investment projects,which I and the new partner are having at hand.Please I will like you to accept this token with good faith as this is from the bottom of my heart,Also comply with Mr.Nash Kata's directives so that he will send the draft to you without any delay. NOTE;You are advised to stop any further communication with your local representative(s) any officials (s) department whom may call you or email concerning the check draft what sum of USD$1.2M, eccept Nash Kata, You are advise not to accept any fax or telephone calls that does not come from him.Because he is the only person I left the order how to deliver the check draft to you, and you may call him immediately you received this message for more information through the instruction I left, CONTACT: Mr NASH KATA. SECRETARY, LAGOS NIGERIA, His email address: [nash4africa@yahoo.ca ] Therefore, you should send him your full Name and telephone number inclusive of your current mailing address where you want him to send the draft to you. Thanks and God bless you and your family. Hoping to hear from you again. BARR. ROLAND MIKE ESQ

I love how these multi-million-dollar deals just slip my mind. Must be gettin' forgetful. I'm flush with lads at the moment, so I take a lazy, confrontational approach.

What the hell are you on about? I've never heard of you people before.



I think he's a wee shade off script from this point on, mainly because he seems to be trying to answer my question.

Thanks very much for your reply,base on this fund,all i needed you to do,is this,contact Mr Nash Kata,by email nash4africa@yahoo.com he is in good position to tell you what to do,so that you will get the bank draft from him.

His nunber is this incase you want to get him on phone,00234-1-4794704,or00234-80-37915313,you are much free to contact him.

Untill than thanks.

Mike.

I decide to press my luck and see how persistent this guy is.

And why would I listen to what this person nash4africa@yahoo.com tells me to do? I've never heard of EITHER of you before? Why are you contacting me in the first place? Who are you people? Explain yourselves.


Mr Nash Mr Nash (that's his display name) writes back.
I am here to do what my boss told me to do,there was a bank draft that was made for you and i am here to send you the bank darft,only i am doing my job,which i dont eave know you,but i will do what i was ask to do,its will be good for you when you get this money.

Pls what i need from you is just two thing,your full name and address,so that i will use it to to get the bank draft in your fevour.and you phone number too.you have my contact from my boss.

Untill i hear from you.

Nash.Kata.

Well, in for a penny, in for a pound.

And why do you supposedly owe me this money, and who the hell is your boss? I want the contact information for the bank, too.

Aww... Mr Nash squared is tetchy. His subject is "DO WHAT I SAID OR YOUR FORGET IT"

Its since i am calling the money back,beacuse you dont have to use this word on me again,beacuse i am made,with my own share of the fund i am okey for life,i dont know the reason why you keep on asking.all i need from you is get your full information,and i will move your name to the bank,and the get bank draft ready,and send it to you,that all.

If i wait for your email from now till monday,you know that i telling bank to keep the fund there untill i get back to my boss.

NASH

Uh. Huh. That clears things right up. Not.

Its since i am calling the money back,beacuse you dont have to use this word on me again,beacuse i am made,with my own share of the fund

Your own share of what fund? You claimed you owed me money for being a contractor. You're obviously on drugs or something. You can't even keep up with what your job is supposed to be. No wonder, though, if you work for a bank that uses YAHOO for it's email. Must be run out of the back of a cardboard box.

i am okey for life,i dont know the reason why you keep on asking.

Let's see, some loony emails me saying he owes me millions for some contract when I'm not even a contractor. Wouldn' t you ask questions? Or does smoking marijuana burn up all the sensible question-asking brain cells? Assuming you ever had any.

all i need from you is get your full information,

I don't give my full information to drug users who can't even keep their own job straight or give me contact information for the bank they supposedly work for.

and i will move your name to the bank,and the get bank draft ready,and send it to you,that all.

You don't work for a bank, do you? You can't even count to ten, much less manage working for a bank. Unless you sweep the floors or something. Are you actually the janitor, pulling a prank?

If i wait for your email from now till monday,you know that i telling bank to keep the fund there untill i get back to my boss.

Does your "boss" have a name, or do you believe he's a puffy pink dinosaur or something? Do you hallucinate him when you're smoking weed?

I fully expect this bait to come to a screeching halt. Happily, I'm wrong.

There's a bit of delay, but a few weeks later, Roland drops me a line.

Its a long time havnt hear from you,there some good news,i have try my best to use one connection that some one gave to me,and its work out yesterday,you fund is there in USA now.They are in new york,i have to use a Diplomatic means to bring your fund there in USA.you have to comfrim it there and get back to me.+16318650985 call him on this number his name is John Adams or send him an email on his email address diplomats_courrier@yahoo.co.uk this very urgent Somatrail

Untill i hear from you.

Nash
Nash? He's forgotten who he is!

Oh, what the heck. I choose to remain belligerent.
And why are you signing your emails "Nash" when your email says you are "Roland Mike"?

The... erm... "bank" replies.
Group Managing Director/Chief

Executive,
FIRST BANK OF NIGERIA PLC

35 Marina, Lagos.

Attn:

*baiter name*

REPORT OF USD$1.2M

A client of First Bank of Nigeria (BARR. ROLAND MIKE) contacted the Management section of the said bank today.

BARR. ROLAND MIKE had previously given reports relating some transactions and we are aware of some USD$1.2M with the Bank.

The Bank is aware that an authorised sum of money should be paid in the name of Trina Perkins through a certified international bank draft of USD$1.2M but these funds cannot be released until a transaction fee of $22,500 needed to carry out the processes of transferring the said sum of USD$1.2M.

As soon as the transaction fee of $22,500 is paid to the Bank, we will carry out the process of transferring a certified international bank draft of USD$1.2M to *baiter name*

Note: All process must be in compliance with First Bank of Nigeria, Plc.

Do not reply to this email address.

For any questions and enquiries, you can contact the Manager in charge of international transfer department, Mr. Wright Tope on the following email address wright.tope@k.ro.

Regards,
Management.

First Bank, Nigeria. and its affiliates.

Oh, honey, I'd settle for Mr. Wright Now... The "bank" also sends this twice, making them look a Wright Ninny.

The fake bank URL, she is deaded. I decide to make that an issue. Just to make sure, I try emailing the fake bank, confirm the domain is dead, then forward that to Wright Tope.
Why doesn't your bank website www.firstbankofnig.com work?
There's a bit of a dead period, and on June 7, I hear from Roland Mike again.

I have been to the Bank this morning and I was made to understand that before the money can be transferred into your account, you shall be required to pay a bill of USD$22,500.00 and which ordinarily, is on the high side.

No! Really? I pay $10,000 for my breakfast cereal.

Based on this, I have decided to make an alternative arrangement with a Financier who can help us raise money required for this business transaction so that at the end of it all, success shall be achieved and we shall have the course to be happy together.

Dude, we are so not going to be happy together. I'll be happy, you'll be made miserable, we will in no way be together.
Right now, I have been able to mortgage my house and the Financier will send you the check which you should cash and send the money to the Bank authorities for immediate attention to be given on the money transfer.
Kind of him to mortgage his house before even telling me about the bill. My spidey senses tell me that he will regret this.

The fate of the USD$1.2M is in the hand of this USD$22,500.00 hence the need for something positive to be done as soon as possible.
Oh, I'm going to do something positive. I'm going to drive you positively bonkers.

I hope to hear from you soonest and do comment on this new development. If it is ok for you, do inform me because I was made to understand that may be you may not have the money to pay the bill hence my making all these arrangements and it is all in good faith. I promise to fight with the last pant of my blood to make sure that all is well actualised and all to your own interest and goodwill.

Regards.

Mike.
The last pant of his blood? He keeps is vital bodily fluids in his trousers? Explains a lot...

NB:

To avoid a misup, do resend to me, your new residential address with your full name where the check can be addressed to or if the check is to be written in your name, do send to me, the real name to avoid mistake.

Did I say I had moved? Or that I was using a false name? I'm sensing some anger from my character.
Are you smoking marijuana and frying what's left of your brain again? Prove you went to the bank first. Let's see a picture of you, standing in front of the bank, holding up a sign with my name on it. Then let's see a picture of you inside the bank, with one of them employees, holding up a sign that says "baitername needs to pay $22,500". Then I might believe you. And why are you assuming I can't pay the full $22,500 on my own, without a financier? If you give me proof, I'll consider it.

June 17, he tries to guilt-trip me.

I dont know why you keep on talking at the end of it you will not do any thing,i have told you that this money is in the bank and we need to pay {COT} befor the money will be send to you.

Now you dont have this money and i dont have too,i have try my best to borrow money from company with my house which we will pay them latter when you have gotton the money.now you have send what i asked for since more than 9days now.its not good this not the way move.

pls send the information i needed so that i will foward it to the company by tommorrow morning.

Hopeing to hear from you.

MIKE

I'm feeling like being a hard-arse about a photo trophy for a change. I don't think this guy even knows how to operate a camera, but hey, it's worth a shot, it's keeping him on the hook, and it's clearly irritating the snot out of him. It's a win-win.
Do you have a problem reading plain English or are you just stupid? GIVE ME SOME DAMNED PROOF! Why do you want to borrow money? Did I say I needed to borrow money? I'm not giving you my information to borrow money until I get some proof you're telling the truth. What part of that is hard to understand? Let's see some pictures, some documents, something from the bank, even a damned picture of you, SOMETHING that proves anything. Proof. Look it up in the dictionary.
June 23, another reply.
Its since you are not good for useing this word on me,do you know i am becausebi wanted to help you out for useing my own house to borrow money so that you will get fund from the bank.

The cost of transfer in the bank is $22,500 which i know in me that you can pay it,to make the matter fast for us that why i am trying to get this money from this means,but at the end of it you use this kind of word.

Pls this business,use a nice good english.if you want to get this fund from the bank.

For the document you said i should show you its not easy now because every document now is now in the bank,if you like i can give you number to call to comfirms thing by yourself.as you said you dont want me to borrow money,if you get the money call them and talk on how to get the money for you,before the trasnfer the $1.2 million to your account.

I can leave you to handle everything by yourself if you want.

read this well and get back to me.

Sensitive soul, isn't he?

Okay, you've answered my question.

Meaning, yes, he IS just stupid.

Give the the contact information for the bank. THe real, official contact information. None of this Yahoo address nonsense. And give me the bank's website address, as well as their postal address. Stop wasting my damned time repeating yourself about borrowing the damned money.

Once again, give me some PROOF.

This guy should be a politician. Notice the quantity of words and promises without actually providing any of the answers requested.

Base on here, everything is moving well,i have send your report to the bank that you needed a proof of what we are doing,before you do anything.there is no problem. what both of us surpose to do now is to get the money for the Cost Of Transfer {COT} which i know is what is holding the fund to move to you.

You will have to send down your bank account where you will need the money to be payto.

Pls if there is anything you will want to know more pls due ask.hopeing to hear from you soon.

MIKE
Hell, boy, make something up, for Pete's sake. Show some gumption!

No, you send me the REAL contact information for the bank, first. I'm going to confirm the bank and account exist before I do anything. You don't get anything from me until I get the information on the bank.

Stand back people. A lad attempts to get techy. Someone may be injured.

I have complained to the customer care of First Bank of Nigeria Plc and I confirmed that they have sent you an email from their service network but the problem is that you will not write them directly because it will bounce back and said that it is a Failure Delivery. I will still go there tomorrow to confide with them and tell them in principle about your desire to confirm all that you want to confirm.

What is holding us now is the Cost of Transfer otherwise, this money would have been transferred into your account since. I do suggest that you candidly do the needful and let the money be wired into your account. I would want you to as soon as you receive this email, send your Account Details so that it will be submitted to the Bank for their necessary actions.

The Bank will perfect the transfer as soon as the Cost of Transfer is remitted to them according to the Bank's ethics and rules. The Cost of the Transfer is the issue of the Financier I suggested to you earlier but you opted that you are capable of handling the transaction yourself without any Financier because the Financier was to issue you a check that will cover the cost of this transfer and when the money is eventually transferred into your account, you shall then pay back to him.

I do hope you will understand this mail and be prepared for the task ahead. Hoping to read from you soonest. You should ensure that you send the Account Details to me because it is very important to the life wire of this transaction.

Regards.

ROLAND MIKE

Dude, you don't even understand what you just wrote, but I am soooo going to cut and paste your explanation of a Delivery Failure next time I get an email helpdesk call.

I continue to play hard to get.

What part of "give me the phone number and website and email of the bank" do you not understand? It's a simple request. Are you going to tell me next that their phone doesn't work? Or that if I try to call them my phone call won't be delivered? Or that if I try to visit their website, my browser will bounce? If they're getting a Delivery Failure, it's because they're using the wrong email address. Here, I'll break it down into small words. Give. Me. The. Bank's. Contact. Details. Including. The. Website. A. Real. Working. Bank. Website. Even tiny, tiny, tiny banks have them. I understand this mail. You're the one who can't or won't understand. I don't pay the bank, or even talk to the damned bank, until I get some contact details and a website that I can confirm elsewhere as genuine. Now either hand over the information or stop wasitng my time. You don't need their permission to give me their website address. And I told you I'm not interested in a financier at this point. I'm interested in confirming there is a bank and that the amount you're quoting is accurate. Frankly, considering your avoidance of a simple question, I think you're lying and have something to hide.

Cue the pathetic attempt to get me to believe that a search portal is really a bank website.
Thanks for your mail and the official website of the Bank is 'firstbankofnigeria.com'. Feel free to visit the site and see things for yourself and ensure that this transaction comes to limelight. The number to call again is +234-1-4829934, +234-1-4794704, DL +2348037915313 attentioned to Mr. Elechi Martins.

You should understand right now that the informations needed have been given to you and now the business transaction is at your mercy hence you are advised to ensure that all goes well in no distant time.

I look forward to hearing from you soonest.

Regards.

ROLAND MIKE

And here I had my hopes up I could kill this sucker. That's no fun. I want a website to kill!

Do you think I'm blind? That's not a bank website, that's one of those ad-laden search portals. There's not even any contact information or anything there about a bank except links to a bunch of ads! Look, you can either quit joking around and give me the real bank website, or you can stop wasting my time.


Now "Wright Tope" gets in on it again. Right Dope, more like.
Your email was received on 30/07/2007 and tabled at the managemenet section of First Bank of Nigeria Plc. The official website of First Bank of Nigeria,Plc(www.firstbanknigeria.com)works,so i do not know where you got these false information. During the Management mid-week meeting,some vital issues were discussed including yours but First Bank of Nigeria cannot release the said funds of International Bank draft of US$1.2million until we see prove that you are the said *baiter name* who is due to receive the said funds. You are hereby advised to contact Barr.Roland Mike who authorised this to be paid in the said name of *baiter name* because Our bank believes in due process. Thanks, Wright Tope, Manager in charge of international transfer department, First Bank of Nigeria,Plc.
That's impressive. Especially as he's replying to me on July 6, yet he claims my email arrived the 30th of July. You would think people who could time travel could set up a decent fake bank.

I ignore that and focus on more pressing matters.
You said your website was firstbankofnig.com, not firstbankofnigeria.com. So which is it?

This clears things right up.
Attn: First Bank of Nigeria Pls website is www.firstbankofnigeria.com the bamk email address is customerservice@firstbankofnig.com but you cannot reply to.
I ask a silly question that I really wish more victims would ask. Why does your email address not match the website then? They should be the same domain name. Why does your supposed email address not work? Why are you using email from some Romanian site? Amazon.com does not use the website www.amazon.com then ask you to email customerservice@amaz.com. Those are two different domains.

You have to love this answer.
We do not entertain questions from non-customer,pls refer to Barr. Roland Mike for any questions because we do make use of our precious time attending to Bank customers and that`s the basic reason why your email is replied late.
Took him four days to think that one up.

July 16, I insult him for it.
A bank that can't answer a simple question from a "non-customer" is obviously a fraud. If you were a real bank, you could and would answer the question, no problem. Thank you for proving you're not a real bank. You and Barrister Roland can go back to picking your noses together.

My "breaking it down into small words" results in some action from Roland on July 26.
I am very sorry for not replying you mail,its due my work,I just came back yesterday and i meet your email since week ago,pls i am very sorry,

Base on the bank information there is no problem of know everything you want to know,this morning i have called mr Elechi Who helping us in way for your fund.this his office number +234-2-7505771 and +234-1-4794704 and +234-80-37915313.for the wed site this is fristbanknigeria.com. I have send it to you,but you dont need to contact any body base on this fund,the only person you will contant is Mr Elechi Martin.You are free to call him,Or you send me your number i will take it to him he can call you from there office phone.Why he said this for you not to put him in problem,

I need to see your reply today or next.Good luck Trina.

Roland Mike.

NB.

One more thing ,Mr ELECHI told me that he can send the money to your account,frist befor you pay the cost of transfer.{COT}.If this way is good still get back to me,what you will do is send me the Account information he can send the money to you.

Hope to hear from you soon.

"Frist" Bank?

I am very sorry for not replying you mail,its due my work,I just came back yesterday and i meet your email since week ago,pls i am very sorry,

Yes, you are very sorry. Very sorry indeed. We totally agree there.

Base on the bank information there is no problem of know everything you want to know,this morning i have called mr Elechi Who helping us in way for your fund.this his office number +234-2-7505771 and +234-1-4794704 and +234- 80-37915313.for the wed site this is fristbanknigeria.com.

What kind of a simpleton are you, anyway? There is no such thing as the "Frist Bank of Nigeria". There is a FIRST bank of Nigeria, and I would think any decent bank could actually spell it's own NAME. Especially when the word is only FIVE LETTERS LONG. YOU, on the other hand, don't seem to be able to spell "cat" without the assistance of a dictionary and a spotter. Second, have you clicked on that link? It takes you, not to a proper BANK site, but to an ad-laden search portal. A. SEARCH. PORTAL. If I wanted to look something up on the internet, I can find search engines a lot better than that without your help. What part of GIVE ME THE BANK'S REAL WEBSITE are you not getting? Would you like to find a very small child to sit down and explain it to you in full, using short words?

I have send it to you,but you dont need to contact any body base on this fund,the only person you will contant is Mr Elechi Martin.You are free to call him,Or you send me your number i will take it to him he can call you from there office phone.Why he said this for you not to put him in problem,

I need to see your reply today or next.Good luck *baiter name*.

My reply is the same as it ever was. Give me the damned bank's real website, or STOP WASTING MY TIME.
Evidently, he's following the "if I ignore it and put a blanket over my head, the problem will cease to exist" approach.

Well, he does finally give me a bank site.

I want to let you know i have been trying my best,you have the number,i made a mistake on the site.this real one.WWW.FIRSTBANKNIGERIA.COM you are free to check it and get back to me.

About the account,still need it or you hold on latter,but we dont have more time again.pls be fast in anything you are doing.

Roland

This is, in fact, a real bank site. They also helpfully show a pop-up warning against 419 fraud. Not wishing to reveal this to him, I claim I simply contacted the bank and was warned off. Maybe he'll try this on some real skeptical victims who ask for a website.

I confirmed they are a real bank.

I also confirmed that they have never heard of any of you people, and you are confirmed to be a liar and a scammer.

Now, don't bother wasting my time by claiming you're not a scammer, a liar and a thief. You are. End of argument.



And strangely, for such a persistent lad, it was.