Sometimes, I don't even bother trying to figure out why these people email me. I assume this is probably a "rebound lad", whom I've baited before. The name Paul Reez doesn't really ring a bell. He seems to start the scam in the middle.

This is to notify you that after our much consultations with Mr. Paul Reez today,we were made to understand that your creditcard has a validity date of expirations,so you have to send us our acceptance fee immediately and start usage immediately..

We do hereby appealing to you to send our acceptance fee of $350usd only.Send the fee over thie weekend immediately so that i will despatch your creditcard to your address on monday morning.

It is left for you to hasting with time factor and send the fee requested for the I.S.P.O.(INTERNATIONAL STANDING PAYMENT ORDER)Send us the acceptance fee of $350usd to;

MR.CLETUS OKEKE

LAGOS NIGERIA

AMOUNT FOR ACCEPTANCE FEE $350USD.

Send it with the above receivers informations, and forward the detailed receipt to me .This acceptance fee give you access of withdraw of fund from any ATM cash centre anywhere in the World as the Interswitch will be recorganise and accepted.

Finally,do not count it our fault if your creditcard expires without you making withdraws from it,Better consider our help and send the money from now till monday and give me details.

Thanks

Dr.Chuma Uba.

There for a second, I thought I had been emailed by Doctor Chumbawumba. Sadly, no. I feel like breaking out the logic stick and playing the affronted, frustrated victim who has been trying to get their payment for some time.

Why would I need to PAY a FEE for ACCEPTING what YOU FUCKING OWE ME? And by the way, Cletus, a damned credit card doesn't expire for at least four years, and the issuing bank will automatically send you a replacement card. You're full of shit.

I love how he threatens to cancel the credit card I don't have. Next, he'll be threatening to take away my allowance.

DONT BE STUPID WHILE ADDRESSING PEOPLE LIKE ME.DO YOU THINK THAT WE HAVE TIME FOR YOUR MORE ARGUEMENTS?DONT BE STUPID OVER THIS MATTER.JUST FLLOW INSTRUCTIONS AND STP ASKING STUPID QUESTIONS.ARE MY THE PERSON WHO CONTACTED YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE?WAS IT NOT THE CREDITCARD OFFICE NDER THE DIRECTIVES FROM DR. PAUL REEZ WHO HAVE INFORMED US TO ENDORSE YOUR CARD AND SEND IT TO YOU.R DO YOU WANT US TO SEND YOU THE CARD WITHOUT OUR ACCEPTANCE FEE?WHOM DO YOU THINK YOU ARE.PLEASE,YOU BETTER CONTACT DR. PAUL REEZ AND STOP INSULTING PEPLE LIKE ME OTHERWISE,I WILL CANCEL YOUR APPROVED CREDITCARD AND SET IT TO BLOCKAGE FOR USES.

THANKS

DR.CHUMA UBA

Oh, I've got plenty of time for arguments. And for insulting "people like you". He was so angry, he even sent me the above twice.

Once again, I'm playing an affronted victim here, so the views expressed are totally imaginary, but about what I would imagine a victim jerked around for months might express.

It's not a stupid question. Why on God's little green earth should I have to pay anything to get what's owed to me? You were supposedly ordered to pay me what I'm owed, so pay it already. Get Paul Reez to pay the fucking fee, or the Nigerian government. The bunch of deadbeat bastards.

DONT BE STUPID WHILE ADDRESSING PEOPLE LIKE ME.DO YOU THINK THAT WE HAVE TIME FOR YOUR MORE ARGUEMENTS?DONT BE STUPID OVER THIS MATTER.JUST FLLOW INSTRUCTIONS AND STP ASKING STUPID QUESTIONS.ARE MY THE PERSON WHO CONTACTED YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE?WAS IT NOT THE CREDITCARD OFFICE NDER THE DIRECTIVES FROM DR. PAUL REEZ WHO HAVE INFORMED US TO ENDORSE YOUR CARD AND SEND IT TO YOU.R DO YOU WANT US TO SEND YOU THE CARD WITHOUT OUR ACCEPTANCE FEE?

Yes, I do.

WHOM DO YOU THINK YOU ARE.

I'm the person OWED SEVERAL MILLION DOLLARS.

PLEASE,YOU BETTER CONTACT DR. PAUL REEZ AND STOP INSULTING PEPLE LIKE ME OTHERWISE,I WILL CANCEL YOUR APPROVED CREDITCARD AND SET IT TO BLOCKAGE FOR USES.

Then cancel it, asshole. You probably couldn't figure out how to cancel a card if your sorry little life depended on it. That would take a speck of competence. You want a fee, get it out of the assholes who owe me the money.

He tries to stomp off in affronted fashion and play hard to get, but goofs. My baiter name is obviously a female name. Unless you're a scammer...

MR. *baiter name*,

WHEN YOU ARE READY FOR YOUR CARD PAYMENT,THEN,YOU CONTACT ME IN A GOOD MANNER.

THANKS

Ahem.

I'm not a MAN, you IDIOT! Any simpleton knows that *baiter name* is a female name. Shows what you know. If you really worked for a bank, you would know that.

So, cue the automaton requests for money.

We have endorsed your creditcard and it is now ready for usage.I have also packaged the whole informations as i awaits for you to send down our acceptance fee of $350usd only to Mr. CLETUS OKEKE as we earlier advised,then.we shall despatch your approved card to your below home address without further delay today.We have reported to Dr.Paul Reez over your delay before the card expires.

Send our acceptance fee immediately.Below is the details once again.

Name;CLETUS OKEKE

Address;LAGOS NIGERIA.

Amount is $350usd only.

Please,remember to add test question/answer while giving us the details.

Thanks.

Dr.Chuma Uba

What happened to all those threats to cancel my card if I didn't play nice?

I decide that I'm going to be a bit suspicious of this sudden 180.

And what credit card would this be? There isn't a credit card, because you lot and Paul Reez are a bunch of scammers. And morons. But mostly scammers.

And here's where the scammer makes the mistake of trying to be clever. He copies "Dr. Paul Reez" on this response to me.

ATTENTION DR.PAUL REEZ

UK.CREDITCARD OPERATIONS

AND MONITORING UNIT.

DEAR DR.PAUL,

WE HAVING BEEN RESPONDED TO YOUR INSTRUCTIONS OVER THE BEARERS APPROVED CREDITCARD WHICH WAS SENT TO US BY YOUR HONOURABLE OFFICE IN UK FOR AFINAL ENDORSEMENTAND DESPATCH TO THE BEARERS ADDRESS,WE HAVE NOTIFIED THE BELOW BEARER THAT WE HAVE ENDORSED THE CARD,AND DEMANDED THAT SHE SEND US OUR ACCEPTANCE FEE OF $350USD AS FOR US TO FACILITATE THE INSURANCE AND POSTAGE,DESPATCHING THE CARD AND USERS GUIDE INFORMATION MANUAL TO HER.

SIR,BELOW IS THE EMAIL RESPONSES WE GOT FROM HIM TODAY WHICH IS NOT ENCOURAGING.SHOULD WE CANCEL THE CARD?

YOUR URGENT ADVICE IS HIGHLY NEED BEFORE TOMORROW AS WE WILL NOT BE HOLD RESPONSIBLE IF THE CARD EXPIRES.

THANK YOU.

DR. CHUMA UBA.(DIRECTOR)

I love how my character got a sex change halfway through. Honestly, scammers are usually such utter failures at recognizing/remembering that they're corresponding with females that I'm beginning to wonder how they ever manage to reel in a real female victim on anything but a romance scam. You can yell "I'm a girl!" at them every mail and they still can't keep it straight.

I decide to remain "skeptical".

Stop faking like you're actually asking a question of anyone but another scammer, you nitwit. There is no credit card, and you're nothing official in Nigeria unless it's the Official Piece of Scamming Dogshit On The Sole Of The Nation.

The scammer goes for the "if you don't behave, I'm giving your toy to little Billy instead" approach.

I am preparing to send your card to another person in America.I can see that you are not serious over this.Another person have puting dow application of change over.

Thanks

So... yeah... right. The scammer expects me to believe that a government agency not only pays out multi-million dollar contracts by sending you a credit card you can use at the ATM, they expect me to believe that if you are naughty, your card will be sent to someone else. Uh. Huh.

So, in other words, you admit you're completely full of shit. If you really owed me money that was mine, you WOULDN'T be sending MY card to someone else in America. You're a complete and total fraud. You're don't even earn the title "scammer". REAL scammers would actually be good enough to convince someone and make some money. I bet you have to lick the road clean with your tongue to pick up some web cafe money.

Funnily enough, the tune changes, the singer is switched out, but otherwise, it's the same song, second verse. My sex also seems to change more than those lizards in Jurassic Park...

Anyway, I guess they figure if I don't buy this crap from Dr. Chumbawumba, maybe I'll believe Paul Reez. Not. Likely.

KONAN AND PARTNERS

AFFILIATION PARTNERS,CO-OPERATIVE AND FINANCE

BANK.JUPITER HOUSE,CALERA PARK,ALDER ASTON

READING,BIRKSHIRE RG7 8NN U.K.

Sir,

Your credit mastercard details has been emailed to Prof.Emeawah and Dr. Chuma Uba today.We have programmed the interswitch for a possible global ATM withdraw informations and manuscript.The UK credit and finance regulatory unit has certisfied your status of the credit master card ok.

We were instructed to program the creditcard with the withdraw limit of $50,000usd per a day and after our much struggles to raise the limit with the mpv2.6 high upgrading machine.We are certisfied with your details provided to us by the verification unit in Nigeria via Prof Emeawah.and Dr. Chuma Uba.

Your credit card where despactched to the committee for their final approval.Please,the card was cealed and authenticated with a heavy cealer coated zinc for security reasons.Do not relate the card informations to anybody as the informations is personal and not transferable.Do not receive the mastercard if you suspect been tampered. Do not expose your secrete pin as to avoid hackers from tampering with your account informations.

Other informations and guided manuscript will be sending to your home address by the committee leader on card usage and instruction unit via Dr. Chuma Ubah and Prof. Emeawah.

For more details,you have to send your home and office address to the committee via Dr. Chuma Uba on where you would like to receive your prepared mastercard for immediate withdrawals from your ATM creditcard account round global.

Contact Dr. Chuma Uba and Prof Emeawah(nigeria_republic1960@yahoo.com).And (proffessor_emeawah@yahoo.co.uk).

Thanks

Dr.Paul Reez(Director of Credit card operations).

I send my response to everyone.

Sir,

I am not a sir.

Your credit mastercard details has been emailed to Prof.Emeawah and Dr. Chuma Uba today.We have programmed the interswitch for a possible global ATM withdraw informations and manuscript.The UK credit and finance regulatory unit has certisfied your status of the credit master card ok.

You can't use a Mastercard in any of my local ATMs. I would prefer a Visa. They have better customer service, too.

We were instructed to program the creditcard with the withdraw limit of $50,000usd per a day

I don't think the ATMs around here are going to have that much cash in them. And my purse isn't that big.

and after our much struggles to raise the limit with the mpv2.6 high upgrading machine.

Fascinating! I've only ever seen the 2.4. Could you send me a picture of the 2.6?



>

We are certisfied with your details provided to us by the verification unit in Nigeria via Prof Emeawah.and Dr. Chuma Uba.

Your credit card where despactched to the committee for their final approval.Please,the card was cealed and authenticated with a heavy cealer coated zinc for security reasons.Do not relate the card informations to anybody as the informations is personal and not transferable.Do not receive the mastercard if you suspect been tampered. Do not expose your secrete pin as to avoid hackers from tampering with your account informations.

I'll do that. Did Dr. Chumbawumba coat it in zinc like those lottery scratch-off tickets or something? Will I need a quarter to scrape it off?

Other informations and guided manuscript will be sending to your home address by the committee leader on card usage and instruction unit via Dr. Chuma Ubah and Prof. Emeawah.

For more details,you have to send your home and office address to the committee via Dr. Chuma Uba on where you would like to receive your prepared mastercard for immediate withdrawals from your ATM creditcard account round global.

I prefer Visa. Can I get Visa? And you should already have my home address.

Contact Dr. Chuma Uba and Prof Emeawah( nigeria_republic1960@yahoo.com).And ( proffessor_emeawah@yahoo.co.uk).

What are you doctors/professors of, Dr. Chumbawumba and Professor Eamywah?

Beats me what Paul Reez is trying to accomplish here... He claims I've received something I definitely haven't. Maybe he doesn't know what "receive" means.

SIR,

WE WERE INFORMED BY DR. CHUMA UBA AND PROF.EMEAWAH THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED YOUR CREDITCARD.PLEASE,READ THE MANUAL INSTRUCTIONS BEFORE USES.IF THERE IS ANY UNCLEARED OPERATIONS,YOU LET ME KNOW.

THANK YOU

DR.REEZ.

Meh, I'm feeling playful.

No, I haven't, because the idiot asked for a fee for it, which is ridiculous. There's no reason why I should pay to get money that's owed to me. That proved you lot are a bunch of scammers. You can all go hop on some heated steel spikes, for all I care. You're not getting any money from me.

Paul Reez is still a moron. The CC is SoonToExpireOMG!

Sir,

Your card will soon expire.Contact Dr. Chuma Uba/Prof.Emeawah immediately

65days has gone from the issued date.You have to pick up your card and start uses.

Email.nigeria_republic1960@yahoo.com

Thanks

Dr. Paul Reez(Creditcard Operations and Monitoring Unit UK).

But I thought I had already received it! And how am I going to get all those mill-yuns and mill-yuns I'm owed if I'm restricted to $5000 a day for 65 days? That's a mere $325,000! That won't even get me a manicure!

Dear Moron, I am not a "sir", and what part of my last message which read "asking for money in order to pay me money that is rightfully owed to me proves you are a bunch of fucking scammers" are you having trouble understanding? Have a small, brain-damaged monkey explain the really hard words to you.


Paul Reez gives it another go.

After our much observations on some fraudlent activities of hackers and creditcard fraudings surrounding your approved legal card.This management has deemed it unapproval as we noticed that some illegal person/persons has been contacting you over there asking you for one fee or the other.Please,we have withdrawed and block your card as we would like to deal with the creditcards owners directly.

Hackers has been one of the difficaulties facing your approved creditcard hence we choose to stop the further delivery of your card to you as we wouldnt like further stress to our numerous client hence we issued out the cards.

Every former details of your cards has been canceled.We have re-loaded back your card and will be sending it directly at our expense to your country home.

As soon as you receive your card,you inform me for further guidlines on usage.

Forward your home address and telephone number immediately for easy delivery.

Thanks

Dr.Paul Reez(Director of Credit card operations).

I rather ignore the 180.

After our much observations on some fraudlent activities of hackers and creditcard fraudings surrounding your approved legal card.This management has deemed it unapproval as we noticed that some illegal person/persons has been contacting you over there asking you for one fee or the other.Please,we have withdrawed and block your card as we would like to deal with the creditcards owners directly.

Hackers has been one of the difficaulties facing your approved creditcard hence we choose to stop the further delivery of your card to you as we wouldnt like further stress to our numerous client hence we issued out the cards.

Every former details of your cards has been canceled.We have re-loaded back your card and will be sending it directly at our expense to your country home.

How nice. Can you send that express mail?

As soon as you receive your card,you inform me for further guidlines on usage.

Forward your home address and telephone number immediately for easy delivery.

You should already have my address, but I'll repeat it, but since you people can't seem to do anything right... *safe address removed*

I don't hear anything for a month or so.

I ask a logical question.

Well, where is my card?

Unfortunately, the prod doesn't produce any response.

Mike Ben emails me from the Office of the Director of Operation International Credit Settlement. It might as well be the office of the Lord High Executioner, methinks.

THIS IS TO OFFICIALLY INFORM YOU THAT WE HAVE VERIFIED YOUR CONTRACT /INHERITANCE FILE AND FOUND OUT THAT WHY YOU HAVE NOT RECEIVED YOUR PAYMENT IS BECAUSE YOU HAVE NOT FUFILLED THE OBLIGATIONS GIVEN TO YOU IN RESPECT OF YOUR CONTRACT/INHERITANCE PAYMENT. SECONDLY WE HAVE BEEN INFORMED THAT YOU ARE STILL DEALING WITH THE NONE OFFICIALS IN THE BANK ALL YOUR ATTEMPT TO SECURE THE RELEASE OF THE FUND TO YOU. WE WISH TO ADVISE YOU THAT SUCH AN ILLEGAL ACT LIKE THIS HAVE TO STOP IF YOU WISHES TO RECEIVE YOUR PAYMENT SINCE WE HAVE DECIDED TO BRING A SOLUTION TO YOUR PROBLEM. RIGHT NOW WE HAVE ARRANGED YOUR PAYMENT THROUGH OUR SWIFT CARD PAYMENT CENTER ASIA PACIFIC, THAT IS THE LATEST INSTRUCTION FROM MR. PRESIDENT, ALHAJI AMARU YAR'ADUA (GCFR) FEDERAL REPUBLIC OF NIGERIA AND FEDERAL MINISTRY OF FINANCE. THIS CARD CENTER WILL SEND YOU AN ATM CARD WHICH YOU WILL USE TO WITHDRAW YOUR MONEY IN ANY ATM MACHINE IN ANY PART OF THE WORLD,BUT THE MAXIMUM IS ONE THOUSAND FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS PER DAY, SO IF YOU LIKE TO RECIEVE YOUR FUND THIS WAY PLEASE LET US KNOW BY CONTACTING THE CARD PAYMENT CENTER AND ALSO SEND THE FOLLOWING INFORMATION TO HIM IN ORDER HIM TO PROCEED IMMEDIATELY: 1. YOUR FULL NAME 2. YOUR PHONE AND FAX NUMBER 3. YOUR ADDRESS WERE YOU WANT THEM TO SEND THE ATM CARD TO(P.O BOX NOT ACCEPTABLE) 4. YOUR AGE AND CURRENT OCCUPATION 5. A COPY OF YOUR IDENTIFICATION HOWEVER, KINDLY FIND BELOW THE CONTACT PERSON: REV. DR BENJAMIN MEYER DIRECTOR, ATM PAYMENT DEPARTMENT EMAIL: BENJAMIN_MEYER@MYWAY.COM OFFICE NUMBER+234-1-4794704 THE ATM CARD PAYMENT CENTER HAS BEEN MANDATED TO ISSUE OUT $8,300,000.00 AS PART PAYMENT FOR THIS FISCAL YEAR 2007. ALSO FOR YOUR INFORMATION, YOU HAVE TO STOP ANY FURTHER COMMINUCATION WITH ANY OTHER PERSON(S) OR OFFICE(s) TO AVOID ANY HITCHES IN RECEIVING YOUR ATM PAYMENT. FOR ORAL DISCUSSION, I CAN BE REACHED ON +234-8037915313 OR EMAIL ME BACK AS SOON AS YOU RECEIVE THIS IMPORTANT MESSAGE FOR FURTHER DIRECTION AND ALSO UPDATE ME ON ANY DEVELOPMENT FROM THE ABOVE MENTIONED OFFICE. NOTE THAT BECAUSE OF IMPOSTORS, WE HEREBY ISSUED YOU OUR CODE OF CONDUCT, WHICH IS (ATM-318) SO YOU HAVE TO INDICATE THIS CODE WHEN CONTACTING THE CARD CENTER BY USING IT AS YOUR SUBJECT. BEST REGARDS, MR. MIKE BEN CHIEF AUDITOR TO THE PRESIDENT FEDERAL REPUBLIC OF NIGERIA

Gee, that wouldn't take any time at all, what with the ATM limits...

And how would you know who I'm dealing with? And how do I know you're not a fraud? How do I know you're not an impostor?

I get the usual "I just type because I have no idea what's going on" reply.

Thanks very much for your reply,its reads nice because of what is happening here that why you are asking this.Its all okay by me,all i need to know is full contact,so that i can scan every information that you need to know about the Card that is coming to you. You are going to get all the papers from the Ministry of Finance.which you are going to comfirm before you do any thing with us. all you need to do is get us your full name.Your address,and your working phone number. Untill i hear from you good luck. Mike ben.

I'm feeling stubborn.

I repeat my question. How do I know you're not an impostor? Where is any proof? How do I know you're not some fraud with a hotmail account? You're not getting any of my information until I see some sort of proof.

I get the usual "Proof? What proof? You mean a silly fake name and a Hotmail account are not accepted as the height of competence and professional standing where you are?" reply.

What proof are you talking about,i have told you to send your full information,so that i will faward you all the document to you for you to confirm. I have try to let you understand that this not fraud,i know there are alot of fraud in the world now,every body have to be very carefull.but that not my own business,my business is make you understand that this not fraud. I am waiting to hear from you.Good luck. Mike Ben.

I turn up the paranoia.

Proof that you're not just some yahoo with a Hotmail account claiming to the the "chief auditor". Why don't you have a government email address? Where's your ID? Where's any proof that you are who you say you are? Where are any documents that prove you're not just making this story up? It takes more than an email to prove this. Why should I give my information to some complete and total stranger who just emails me out of the blue from a HOTMAIL account, which anyone can sign up for, claiming to work for some foreign government, just because he can type? Saying it in an email does not make it true. And why would you need my information in the first place? You already know my email address? How do you know my email address and how to get hold of me if you don't know I'm the rightful person to get this money, or anything else about me? If you have the information that says I deserve this money, and know my name and how to email me, you should know the rest of my information. WHERE DID YOU GET MY EMAIL ADDRESS? YOU came to ME with this story. The burden of proof is on you. Let's see your proof. If you're really a government employee, you'll have some.

He goes for the "But... but... I have YOUR details!" approach. Or... um... "datails".

Dear you have understand,i have your datails allready,i have to recomfirm it before,so that there will be no mistake. All you need to do is resend the information,so that i will get you all the needed papers.i will wait to hear from you. Mike.

I challenge that assertion. I want to see if he's either one of my bounceback lads, trying to scam me as a new persona/format, or a lad who got sold my information by another lad.

Then, let's see them. Show me MY details that you already have. Just one. Show me just one of them. If you had my details already, you wouldn't need me to send them again. Or, if you have my details, YOU should be willing to share YOUR details. I think you're just a complete liar, frankly. If you were really who you say you are, you would have nothing to hide and you could get me the needed papers with the details you say you already have. I'll wait to hear from you, instead, but I doubt I will. You're obviously just some ninny with a hotmail address and no government job. You don' t have any of my details, you just have a story full of holes. I say again, WHERE IS YOUR ID, "CHIEF AUDITOR"?

Hey, it is either a bounceback lad or a lad who has paid for or stolen "my" details.

I have you information,since you never belive me,i can never do anything base on your own case,look and confirm it,i have to take your own fille away from my office,since you belive i am not real good.all i have to tell you is check your information.but i will help you now on ONE CONDITION. This the information.Your full name is...... *baiter name* .....your address is.....*baiter address*.........your phone is ....*baiter phone*. Now you can know i am not lieing to you,i am only trying to make sure you pick up this fund.if you want to get me on phone You are free to call me on my 002348037915313.I wait for your call. Mike Ben

The name, address and phone are all bogus, obviously, but they are my character's. I'm sure he's expecting me to go all weak in the knees at this. I'm not exactly falling all over myself to believe him. I copy "Benjamin Meyer" on this, too. The "insults" to the country itself are, of course, not reflective of my personal views. But, since I'm playing a half-believing victim here, I think it would be straining credulity if I weren't a little upset at the "government" for failing to pay me "my money".

And that is my correct information. So, why are you still asking for it? You have it. Why should I give it to you again? YOU'VE GOT IT. You've had it for eons, you and your worthless, deadbeat government that never pays what it owes. And where, I ask again, is your identification? I demand identification before I waste my time and money on a phone call. Any government employee should be able to show identification. You're probably some janitor that cleans the offices and just copied down my information from the file, and that's why you're not showing any ID. And why, on earth, Mike Ben and Benjamin Meyer, if those are your real names, which I highly doubt, would you be proposing to pay me using an ATM card? The fricking ATM limits withdrawals. It would take YEARS to get the money I am owed, even if I went to the damned ATM every day! Look, if you are really going to send me an ATM card, send it. Ship it to my address. You have my address. You've had it for months. If you're not a liar, you'll ship it. Even though it makes a helluva lot more sense to, oh, I don't know, WIRE that kind of money to a bank account and sign over the account to me. If you're who you say you are, and you're telling the truth, you'll pay up and stop all this nonsense about confirming my address and my details and all that other ridiculous stuff. If your crummy little country is going to finally pay what it owes, pay me and stop fooling around about it. If not, quit wasting my time.


And here comes the request for money.

I saw your mail,and its reads nice,i amready to help you out get your full,but you have a clearance from the ministy of Fineces,whic is going to cost you a small amount of money before you fund will be transafer to you,in any way you need it . You are advice to reply this email so that i willknow your faith. Mike
Incredulity rears its ugly head.
And what is the Ministry of "Fineces"? Look, you can't be for real. This would be a completely ridiculous way to pay a government debt.

He's sort of giving up at this point... Pity, he's fun.

there is no way i will help when you never trust what i am doing,for the first time you never belive me,now i have given you all the proof that you needed to know. I want to help you get your fund,but we have get a clearance from the Ministy of Finances.
Which you have to try your own best to make sure that you get this clearance paper.than you can now talk about your fund.you are free to contact any body
base on this fund that is coming to you. until than good luck mike

I try to push him to at least send me some manufactured proof.

You haven't given me proof of anything except the fact that you can't spell. Where's your ID? Where is any proof you are who you are? Where is any website or newspaper article that proves the government is paying their debts this way? This is completely ridiculous. You haven't given proof of anything. You're obviously a fraud.

Doggone it. These scammers have no sticktoitiveness these days. That's the last I hear of him for now.


EDIT: 11-13-07 Stop the presses! Mike Ben shows signs of life!

You have to get back to me beacuse there is a good news,your money is there in USA,all you need to do to me to get back to me so that i will give you the information.i wait for your email.
Till than,
Mike.

Oh, I HAVE to, huh? Methinks not. But, I enjoy watching you squirm, so why not?

Well, if it's in the USA, tell me where I can go pick it up. Give me an exact address, and I'll go pick it up.

Personally.

We'll see if Mike Ben provides more fun...

And he does!

November 14, he emails me back.

Good to hear from you,you dont need to worry yourself any more you consignment is there now in USa,
all you have to do is call this number +17329939037 his name is Mr Brown.you have to call him and tell him where to meet you.
I will need you to keep intouch with me and update me too.
untill than good luck.
mike.


I do call, and this appears to be a SkypeIn number. The generic voicemail certainly sounds like it. As he doesn't answer, I just fork over my email address. No point wasting breath if I can't drill the "diplomat" and listen to him squirm.

I email Mike and complain.

I tried calling your Mr. Brown. He wasn't available and it was some impersonal voicemail message with a woman's voice on it. I left him a message to email me.

Here's where they start getting extra sloppy. I mean, honestly, does no one have any pride any more?

I try the number before sending you this email,pls try your best to get Mr Brown on phone tat will help you out on what to do or where to meet him,than he can give you his email,i belive that is okay.
I wait for you reply when you have called Mr Brown
Good day.
Mike Ben.

I complain about the fact that I'm being asked to phone someone to get their email. What's the fecking point?

What's the point of me calling him just to have him give me his email?

Why couldn't he, oh, I don't know, reply to my damned voicemail, where I gave him MY email address, by, you know, email?

What is the point of this little dance?

For that matter, why can't you give him my email if that's all he's going to do, is email me?

I email the "diplomat" and ask for his location.

Where are you currently located? I want to make arrangements to come pick up my consignment.

Mister "diplomat" is not exactly on the ball. I complain. Mike Ben replies.

I still get your email since you said you need the email good of the courrier service You can get him on email diplomats_courrier@yahoo.co.uk
You are free to contact Mr Brown through the email address since you said his number is not working,but i will still like you to give him 2mins call for himto check his email when you have send him email.
all you need to do is email him and send your address where you are or where to meet you.his business is hand you over the consignment only,he dont know what is inside the consignment,we only pay him to move the consignment to you.he is not surpose to be in USA for now,beacuse told me that he will hold on for you untill he give you the consgnment.
untill than good luck.
Mike Ben.

I love how the official "courrier" can't even spell their profession. I also love how the location of the money and the diplomat change with the wind. And really, what's this crap about me phoning someone to tell him to check his email?

I've emailed him to ask his location. And again, why the hell should I PHONE someone to tell him to check his EMAIL?

This is ridiculous. Is the man so unprofessional that he doesn't check his email on a regular basis?

And by the way, why are you telling me now that he is NOT in the United States? Where is my money located? You claimed my money was in the United States. Are you implying that my money is here without anyone to look after it? If so, why did you choose such an incredibly incompetent, unprofessional company to deliver my payment?

The "diplomat" finally gets off his carcass and emails me back.

DIPLOMATIC SECURITY AND SHIPPING COMPANY.

M M INT AIRPORT
NIGERIA
ATTENTION;*baiter*,
WE NEED SOME FORM OF GUARANTEEN OF COMPLIANCE TO ENENABLE US PROCEED THE DELIVERY OF YOUR METAL BOX CONSIGNMENT IN YOUR ABOVE ADDRESS.WE SHALL NOMINATE THE PLACE FOR DELIVERY IN YOUR STATE
CONSEQUENTLY,YOU HAVE AN OUTSTANDING DEBT OF $1200 {ONE THOUSAND TWO HUNDRED}DOLLARS,FOR THE CLEARANCE AND DUMURRAGE ACCRUED IN THE STORAG OF YOUR METAL BOX.
YOU SHALL SEND THIS MONDAY TODAY OR NEXT TO ENABLE US MOVE YOUR CONSIGNMENT TO YOUR ADDRESS THAT WAS GIVE TO US BY MR MIKE BEN.
YOU MUST DEFINITELY MAKE THE ABOVE CLEARANCE BEFOR THE METAL BOX ARE DELIVERED TO YOU.
BEST REGARDS
MR BROWN

+17329939037

156 TAIBOT RD,WEST WINFIELD,NEW YORK 13491.

Now, me being curious, I google the address, expecting to find, oh, an office building, or say, a non-existent address. What do I find?

A goat farm.

Yes.

A.

Goat.

Farm.

This is too good not to mention.

WE NEED SOME FORM OF GUARANTEEN OF COMPLIANCE TO ENENABLE US PROCEED THE DELIVERY OF YOUR METAL BOX CONSIGNMENT IN YOUR ABOVE ADDRESS.

WHAT above address? The airport in Nigeria? Look, I've been told by Mike Ben that my money is in the USA. Which is it? Why the hell would you take my money from the United States back to Nigeria?

WE SHALL NOMINATE THE PLACE FOR DELIVERY IN YOUR STATE

No. You will tell me where my damned money is located and I will come pick it up. In person. There is going to be no more of this "deliver it to your door" nonsense.

CONSEQUENTLY,YOU HAVE AN OUTSTANDING DEBT OF $1200 {ONE THOUSAND TWO HUNDRED}DOLLARS,FOR THE CLEARANCE AND DUMURRAGE ACCRUED IN THE STORAG OF YOUR METAL BOX.

I'll pay it in person, in freaking cash if I have to, if you can actually give me a spot to pick up the boxes.

Frankly, I think you're either so incompetent you can't find your own backside or you and Mike Ben are completely full of it, but go ahead. Prove me wrong. Tell me where I can come get my trunk boxes. In the United States. I'll save you the trip to my house.

YOU SHALL SEND THIS MONDAY TODAY OR NEXT TO ENABLE US MOVE YOUR CONSIGNMENT TO YOUR ADDRESS THAT WAS GIVE TO US BY MR MIKE BEN.

Don't move my damned money anywhere. I was told, by Mike Ben, that my money is currently in the United States. Tell me where, and I will come get it.

YOU MUST DEFINITELY MAKE THE ABOVE CLEARANCE BEFOR THE METAL BOX ARE DELIVERED TO YOU.
BEST REGARDS
MR BROWN

+17329939037

156 TAIBOT RD,WEST WINFIELD,NEW YORK 13491.

I think you mean "Talbot Road". There is no "Taibot Road".

So, tell me, do you LIVE at the goat farm, or do you just keep an office there?

http://www.skylandfarmboergoats.com/Pages/Sales/GoatsForSale.asp

Roland Mike didn't know the meaning of the word "quit". He may not be able to spell it, either.



How are you today? Hope all is well with you and your family?, You may not understand why this mail came to you.But if you do not remember me,you might have receive an email from me in the past regarding a multi-million-dollar business proposal which we never concluded. I am using this opportunity to inform you that this multi-million-dollar business has been concluded with the assistance of another partner from U.S.A who financed the transaction to a logical conclusion.I thank you for your great effort to our unfinished transfer of fund into your account due to one reason or the other best known to you.But I want to inform you that I have successfully transferred the fund out of my bank to my new partner's account in U.S.A that was capable of assisting me in this great venture. Due to your effort, sincerity, courage and trust worthiness You showed during the course of the transaction.I want to compensate you and show my gratitude to you with the sum of $1,200,000.0 I have left a certified international bank draft for you worth of $1,200,000.00 cashable anywhere in the world. My dear friend I will like you to contact MY SECRETARY Mr Mr Nash Kata.on his direct email address at:[nash4africa@yahoo.ca ] and his telephone number+234-1-4794704 for the collection of your bankdraft.I authorized him to release the Bank Draft to you whenever you contact him regarding for it. At the moment, I'm very busy here because of the investment projects,which I and the new partner are having at hand.Please I will like you to accept this token with good faith as this is from the bottom of my heart,Also comply with Mr.Nash Kata's directives so that he will send the draft to you without any delay. NOTE;You are advised to stop any further communication with your local representative(s) any officials (s) department whom may call you or email concerning the check draft what sum of USD$1.2M, eccept Nash Kata, You are advise not to accept any fax or telephone calls that does not come from him.Because he is the only person I left the order how to deliver the check draft to you, and you may call him immediately you received this message for more information through the instruction I left, CONTACT: Mr NASH KATA. SECRETARY, LAGOS NIGERIA, His email address: [nash4africa@yahoo.ca ] Therefore, you should send him your full Name and telephone number inclusive of your current mailing address where you want him to send the draft to you. Thanks and God bless you and your family. Hoping to hear from you again. BARR. ROLAND MIKE ESQ

I love how these multi-million-dollar deals just slip my mind. Must be gettin' forgetful. I'm flush with lads at the moment, so I take a lazy, confrontational approach.

What the hell are you on about? I've never heard of you people before.



I think he's a wee shade off script from this point on, mainly because he seems to be trying to answer my question.

Thanks very much for your reply,base on this fund,all i needed you to do,is this,contact Mr Nash Kata,by email nash4africa@yahoo.com he is in good position to tell you what to do,so that you will get the bank draft from him.

His nunber is this incase you want to get him on phone,00234-1-4794704,or00234-80-37915313,you are much free to contact him.

Untill than thanks.

Mike.

I decide to press my luck and see how persistent this guy is.

And why would I listen to what this person nash4africa@yahoo.com tells me to do? I've never heard of EITHER of you before? Why are you contacting me in the first place? Who are you people? Explain yourselves.


Mr Nash Mr Nash (that's his display name) writes back.
I am here to do what my boss told me to do,there was a bank draft that was made for you and i am here to send you the bank darft,only i am doing my job,which i dont eave know you,but i will do what i was ask to do,its will be good for you when you get this money.

Pls what i need from you is just two thing,your full name and address,so that i will use it to to get the bank draft in your fevour.and you phone number too.you have my contact from my boss.

Untill i hear from you.

Nash.Kata.

Well, in for a penny, in for a pound.

And why do you supposedly owe me this money, and who the hell is your boss? I want the contact information for the bank, too.

Aww... Mr Nash squared is tetchy. His subject is "DO WHAT I SAID OR YOUR FORGET IT"

Its since i am calling the money back,beacuse you dont have to use this word on me again,beacuse i am made,with my own share of the fund i am okey for life,i dont know the reason why you keep on asking.all i need from you is get your full information,and i will move your name to the bank,and the get bank draft ready,and send it to you,that all.

If i wait for your email from now till monday,you know that i telling bank to keep the fund there untill i get back to my boss.

NASH

Uh. Huh. That clears things right up. Not.

Its since i am calling the money back,beacuse you dont have to use this word on me again,beacuse i am made,with my own share of the fund

Your own share of what fund? You claimed you owed me money for being a contractor. You're obviously on drugs or something. You can't even keep up with what your job is supposed to be. No wonder, though, if you work for a bank that uses YAHOO for it's email. Must be run out of the back of a cardboard box.

i am okey for life,i dont know the reason why you keep on asking.

Let's see, some loony emails me saying he owes me millions for some contract when I'm not even a contractor. Wouldn' t you ask questions? Or does smoking marijuana burn up all the sensible question-asking brain cells? Assuming you ever had any.

all i need from you is get your full information,

I don't give my full information to drug users who can't even keep their own job straight or give me contact information for the bank they supposedly work for.

and i will move your name to the bank,and the get bank draft ready,and send it to you,that all.

You don't work for a bank, do you? You can't even count to ten, much less manage working for a bank. Unless you sweep the floors or something. Are you actually the janitor, pulling a prank?

If i wait for your email from now till monday,you know that i telling bank to keep the fund there untill i get back to my boss.

Does your "boss" have a name, or do you believe he's a puffy pink dinosaur or something? Do you hallucinate him when you're smoking weed?

I fully expect this bait to come to a screeching halt. Happily, I'm wrong.

There's a bit of delay, but a few weeks later, Roland drops me a line.

Its a long time havnt hear from you,there some good news,i have try my best to use one connection that some one gave to me,and its work out yesterday,you fund is there in USA now.They are in new york,i have to use a Diplomatic means to bring your fund there in USA.you have to comfrim it there and get back to me.+16318650985 call him on this number his name is John Adams or send him an email on his email address diplomats_courrier@yahoo.co.uk this very urgent Somatrail

Untill i hear from you.

Nash
Nash? He's forgotten who he is!

Oh, what the heck. I choose to remain belligerent.
And why are you signing your emails "Nash" when your email says you are "Roland Mike"?

The... erm... "bank" replies.
Group Managing Director/Chief

Executive,
FIRST BANK OF NIGERIA PLC

35 Marina, Lagos.

Attn:

*baiter name*

REPORT OF USD$1.2M

A client of First Bank of Nigeria (BARR. ROLAND MIKE) contacted the Management section of the said bank today.

BARR. ROLAND MIKE had previously given reports relating some transactions and we are aware of some USD$1.2M with the Bank.

The Bank is aware that an authorised sum of money should be paid in the name of Trina Perkins through a certified international bank draft of USD$1.2M but these funds cannot be released until a transaction fee of $22,500 needed to carry out the processes of transferring the said sum of USD$1.2M.

As soon as the transaction fee of $22,500 is paid to the Bank, we will carry out the process of transferring a certified international bank draft of USD$1.2M to *baiter name*

Note: All process must be in compliance with First Bank of Nigeria, Plc.

Do not reply to this email address.

For any questions and enquiries, you can contact the Manager in charge of international transfer department, Mr. Wright Tope on the following email address wright.tope@k.ro.

Regards,
Management.

First Bank, Nigeria. and its affiliates.

Oh, honey, I'd settle for Mr. Wright Now... The "bank" also sends this twice, making them look a Wright Ninny.

The fake bank URL, she is deaded. I decide to make that an issue. Just to make sure, I try emailing the fake bank, confirm the domain is dead, then forward that to Wright Tope.
Why doesn't your bank website www.firstbankofnig.com work?
There's a bit of a dead period, and on June 7, I hear from Roland Mike again.

I have been to the Bank this morning and I was made to understand that before the money can be transferred into your account, you shall be required to pay a bill of USD$22,500.00 and which ordinarily, is on the high side.

No! Really? I pay $10,000 for my breakfast cereal.

Based on this, I have decided to make an alternative arrangement with a Financier who can help us raise money required for this business transaction so that at the end of it all, success shall be achieved and we shall have the course to be happy together.

Dude, we are so not going to be happy together. I'll be happy, you'll be made miserable, we will in no way be together.
Right now, I have been able to mortgage my house and the Financier will send you the check which you should cash and send the money to the Bank authorities for immediate attention to be given on the money transfer.
Kind of him to mortgage his house before even telling me about the bill. My spidey senses tell me that he will regret this.

The fate of the USD$1.2M is in the hand of this USD$22,500.00 hence the need for something positive to be done as soon as possible.
Oh, I'm going to do something positive. I'm going to drive you positively bonkers.

I hope to hear from you soonest and do comment on this new development. If it is ok for you, do inform me because I was made to understand that may be you may not have the money to pay the bill hence my making all these arrangements and it is all in good faith. I promise to fight with the last pant of my blood to make sure that all is well actualised and all to your own interest and goodwill.

Regards.

Mike.
The last pant of his blood? He keeps is vital bodily fluids in his trousers? Explains a lot...

NB:

To avoid a misup, do resend to me, your new residential address with your full name where the check can be addressed to or if the check is to be written in your name, do send to me, the real name to avoid mistake.

Did I say I had moved? Or that I was using a false name? I'm sensing some anger from my character.
Are you smoking marijuana and frying what's left of your brain again? Prove you went to the bank first. Let's see a picture of you, standing in front of the bank, holding up a sign with my name on it. Then let's see a picture of you inside the bank, with one of them employees, holding up a sign that says "baitername needs to pay $22,500". Then I might believe you. And why are you assuming I can't pay the full $22,500 on my own, without a financier? If you give me proof, I'll consider it.

June 17, he tries to guilt-trip me.

I dont know why you keep on talking at the end of it you will not do any thing,i have told you that this money is in the bank and we need to pay {COT} befor the money will be send to you.

Now you dont have this money and i dont have too,i have try my best to borrow money from company with my house which we will pay them latter when you have gotton the money.now you have send what i asked for since more than 9days now.its not good this not the way move.

pls send the information i needed so that i will foward it to the company by tommorrow morning.

Hopeing to hear from you.

MIKE

I'm feeling like being a hard-arse about a photo trophy for a change. I don't think this guy even knows how to operate a camera, but hey, it's worth a shot, it's keeping him on the hook, and it's clearly irritating the snot out of him. It's a win-win.
Do you have a problem reading plain English or are you just stupid? GIVE ME SOME DAMNED PROOF! Why do you want to borrow money? Did I say I needed to borrow money? I'm not giving you my information to borrow money until I get some proof you're telling the truth. What part of that is hard to understand? Let's see some pictures, some documents, something from the bank, even a damned picture of you, SOMETHING that proves anything. Proof. Look it up in the dictionary.
June 23, another reply.
Its since you are not good for useing this word on me,do you know i am becausebi wanted to help you out for useing my own house to borrow money so that you will get fund from the bank.

The cost of transfer in the bank is $22,500 which i know in me that you can pay it,to make the matter fast for us that why i am trying to get this money from this means,but at the end of it you use this kind of word.

Pls this business,use a nice good english.if you want to get this fund from the bank.

For the document you said i should show you its not easy now because every document now is now in the bank,if you like i can give you number to call to comfirms thing by yourself.as you said you dont want me to borrow money,if you get the money call them and talk on how to get the money for you,before the trasnfer the $1.2 million to your account.

I can leave you to handle everything by yourself if you want.

read this well and get back to me.

Sensitive soul, isn't he?

Okay, you've answered my question.

Meaning, yes, he IS just stupid.

Give the the contact information for the bank. THe real, official contact information. None of this Yahoo address nonsense. And give me the bank's website address, as well as their postal address. Stop wasting my damned time repeating yourself about borrowing the damned money.

Once again, give me some PROOF.

This guy should be a politician. Notice the quantity of words and promises without actually providing any of the answers requested.

Base on here, everything is moving well,i have send your report to the bank that you needed a proof of what we are doing,before you do anything.there is no problem. what both of us surpose to do now is to get the money for the Cost Of Transfer {COT} which i know is what is holding the fund to move to you.

You will have to send down your bank account where you will need the money to be payto.

Pls if there is anything you will want to know more pls due ask.hopeing to hear from you soon.

MIKE
Hell, boy, make something up, for Pete's sake. Show some gumption!

No, you send me the REAL contact information for the bank, first. I'm going to confirm the bank and account exist before I do anything. You don't get anything from me until I get the information on the bank.

Stand back people. A lad attempts to get techy. Someone may be injured.

I have complained to the customer care of First Bank of Nigeria Plc and I confirmed that they have sent you an email from their service network but the problem is that you will not write them directly because it will bounce back and said that it is a Failure Delivery. I will still go there tomorrow to confide with them and tell them in principle about your desire to confirm all that you want to confirm.

What is holding us now is the Cost of Transfer otherwise, this money would have been transferred into your account since. I do suggest that you candidly do the needful and let the money be wired into your account. I would want you to as soon as you receive this email, send your Account Details so that it will be submitted to the Bank for their necessary actions.

The Bank will perfect the transfer as soon as the Cost of Transfer is remitted to them according to the Bank's ethics and rules. The Cost of the Transfer is the issue of the Financier I suggested to you earlier but you opted that you are capable of handling the transaction yourself without any Financier because the Financier was to issue you a check that will cover the cost of this transfer and when the money is eventually transferred into your account, you shall then pay back to him.

I do hope you will understand this mail and be prepared for the task ahead. Hoping to read from you soonest. You should ensure that you send the Account Details to me because it is very important to the life wire of this transaction.

Regards.

ROLAND MIKE

Dude, you don't even understand what you just wrote, but I am soooo going to cut and paste your explanation of a Delivery Failure next time I get an email helpdesk call.

I continue to play hard to get.

What part of "give me the phone number and website and email of the bank" do you not understand? It's a simple request. Are you going to tell me next that their phone doesn't work? Or that if I try to call them my phone call won't be delivered? Or that if I try to visit their website, my browser will bounce? If they're getting a Delivery Failure, it's because they're using the wrong email address. Here, I'll break it down into small words. Give. Me. The. Bank's. Contact. Details. Including. The. Website. A. Real. Working. Bank. Website. Even tiny, tiny, tiny banks have them. I understand this mail. You're the one who can't or won't understand. I don't pay the bank, or even talk to the damned bank, until I get some contact details and a website that I can confirm elsewhere as genuine. Now either hand over the information or stop wasitng my time. You don't need their permission to give me their website address. And I told you I'm not interested in a financier at this point. I'm interested in confirming there is a bank and that the amount you're quoting is accurate. Frankly, considering your avoidance of a simple question, I think you're lying and have something to hide.

Cue the pathetic attempt to get me to believe that a search portal is really a bank website.
Thanks for your mail and the official website of the Bank is 'firstbankofnigeria.com'. Feel free to visit the site and see things for yourself and ensure that this transaction comes to limelight. The number to call again is +234-1-4829934, +234-1-4794704, DL +2348037915313 attentioned to Mr. Elechi Martins.

You should understand right now that the informations needed have been given to you and now the business transaction is at your mercy hence you are advised to ensure that all goes well in no distant time.

I look forward to hearing from you soonest.

Regards.

ROLAND MIKE

And here I had my hopes up I could kill this sucker. That's no fun. I want a website to kill!

Do you think I'm blind? That's not a bank website, that's one of those ad-laden search portals. There's not even any contact information or anything there about a bank except links to a bunch of ads! Look, you can either quit joking around and give me the real bank website, or you can stop wasting my time.


Now "Wright Tope" gets in on it again. Right Dope, more like.
Your email was received on 30/07/2007 and tabled at the managemenet section of First Bank of Nigeria Plc. The official website of First Bank of Nigeria,Plc(www.firstbanknigeria.com)works,so i do not know where you got these false information. During the Management mid-week meeting,some vital issues were discussed including yours but First Bank of Nigeria cannot release the said funds of International Bank draft of US$1.2million until we see prove that you are the said *baiter name* who is due to receive the said funds. You are hereby advised to contact Barr.Roland Mike who authorised this to be paid in the said name of *baiter name* because Our bank believes in due process. Thanks, Wright Tope, Manager in charge of international transfer department, First Bank of Nigeria,Plc.
That's impressive. Especially as he's replying to me on July 6, yet he claims my email arrived the 30th of July. You would think people who could time travel could set up a decent fake bank.

I ignore that and focus on more pressing matters.
You said your website was firstbankofnig.com, not firstbankofnigeria.com. So which is it?

This clears things right up.
Attn: First Bank of Nigeria Pls website is www.firstbankofnigeria.com the bamk email address is customerservice@firstbankofnig.com but you cannot reply to.
I ask a silly question that I really wish more victims would ask. Why does your email address not match the website then? They should be the same domain name. Why does your supposed email address not work? Why are you using email from some Romanian site? Amazon.com does not use the website www.amazon.com then ask you to email customerservice@amaz.com. Those are two different domains.

You have to love this answer.
We do not entertain questions from non-customer,pls refer to Barr. Roland Mike for any questions because we do make use of our precious time attending to Bank customers and that`s the basic reason why your email is replied late.
Took him four days to think that one up.

July 16, I insult him for it.
A bank that can't answer a simple question from a "non-customer" is obviously a fraud. If you were a real bank, you could and would answer the question, no problem. Thank you for proving you're not a real bank. You and Barrister Roland can go back to picking your noses together.

My "breaking it down into small words" results in some action from Roland on July 26.
I am very sorry for not replying you mail,its due my work,I just came back yesterday and i meet your email since week ago,pls i am very sorry,

Base on the bank information there is no problem of know everything you want to know,this morning i have called mr Elechi Who helping us in way for your fund.this his office number +234-2-7505771 and +234-1-4794704 and +234-80-37915313.for the wed site this is fristbanknigeria.com. I have send it to you,but you dont need to contact any body base on this fund,the only person you will contant is Mr Elechi Martin.You are free to call him,Or you send me your number i will take it to him he can call you from there office phone.Why he said this for you not to put him in problem,

I need to see your reply today or next.Good luck Trina.

Roland Mike.

NB.

One more thing ,Mr ELECHI told me that he can send the money to your account,frist befor you pay the cost of transfer.{COT}.If this way is good still get back to me,what you will do is send me the Account information he can send the money to you.

Hope to hear from you soon.

"Frist" Bank?

I am very sorry for not replying you mail,its due my work,I just came back yesterday and i meet your email since week ago,pls i am very sorry,

Yes, you are very sorry. Very sorry indeed. We totally agree there.

Base on the bank information there is no problem of know everything you want to know,this morning i have called mr Elechi Who helping us in way for your fund.this his office number +234-2-7505771 and +234-1-4794704 and +234- 80-37915313.for the wed site this is fristbanknigeria.com.

What kind of a simpleton are you, anyway? There is no such thing as the "Frist Bank of Nigeria". There is a FIRST bank of Nigeria, and I would think any decent bank could actually spell it's own NAME. Especially when the word is only FIVE LETTERS LONG. YOU, on the other hand, don't seem to be able to spell "cat" without the assistance of a dictionary and a spotter. Second, have you clicked on that link? It takes you, not to a proper BANK site, but to an ad-laden search portal. A. SEARCH. PORTAL. If I wanted to look something up on the internet, I can find search engines a lot better than that without your help. What part of GIVE ME THE BANK'S REAL WEBSITE are you not getting? Would you like to find a very small child to sit down and explain it to you in full, using short words?

I have send it to you,but you dont need to contact any body base on this fund,the only person you will contant is Mr Elechi Martin.You are free to call him,Or you send me your number i will take it to him he can call you from there office phone.Why he said this for you not to put him in problem,

I need to see your reply today or next.Good luck *baiter name*.

My reply is the same as it ever was. Give me the damned bank's real website, or STOP WASTING MY TIME.
Evidently, he's following the "if I ignore it and put a blanket over my head, the problem will cease to exist" approach.

Well, he does finally give me a bank site.

I want to let you know i have been trying my best,you have the number,i made a mistake on the site.this real one.WWW.FIRSTBANKNIGERIA.COM you are free to check it and get back to me.

About the account,still need it or you hold on latter,but we dont have more time again.pls be fast in anything you are doing.

Roland

This is, in fact, a real bank site. They also helpfully show a pop-up warning against 419 fraud. Not wishing to reveal this to him, I claim I simply contacted the bank and was warned off. Maybe he'll try this on some real skeptical victims who ask for a website.

I confirmed they are a real bank.

I also confirmed that they have never heard of any of you people, and you are confirmed to be a liar and a scammer.

Now, don't bother wasting my time by claiming you're not a scammer, a liar and a thief. You are. End of argument.



And strangely, for such a persistent lad, it was.